I tried writing a poem about my feelings about the cross. I don’t like being cliché, so the poem was not working out. My feelings about the cross, and the event that we celebrate this weekend, might be a little differently expressed than others would. So, bear with me.

When I think about the cross, yes, I have many questions, questions that will only be answered once I move closer to God. One thing I realised about the cross, is that it takes faith to receive the Grace. So many people don’t understand the meaning of the cross. What does it symbolise? Why was it even done? How can a man crucified on the cross save the whole world? Even after I became a saved child of God, I could not understand it fully, but I knew that it was Jesus who I believed in. It was Jesus who saved me. I was still young, but I made the decision on my own. When I got a little older, I understood it better. I re-dedicated my life to Christ and got baptised.

Being a child of God does not mean that I have a get-out-of-jail-free card. It simply means that I have believed and accepted the fact that Jesus is the Son of God, and I also understand that Jesus is a human form of God. I also believe He came down and lived like a man, and died on the cross for the sins of man. God realised that humans could not keep up with the thousands of laws and the manner that forgiveness was given. Sacrificing lambs, and offerings etc.

Jesus dying on the cross, meant that, if I accepted the Grace that was offered, I no longer needed to live according to the law. If I chose to live according to the law, then I cannot receive the grace that He has given. The grace does not mean that I can just sin like I want to, because God knows my heart. He knows my motives. If I repent without meaning it, just to clear my conscience, then I have not been purified from the sin.

God does not want to punish us, because He loves us. In the days of the law and punishment, God seemed like a heartless God, although the punishment was out of love too. He did not want to see the people suffer in their sins, but it is too easy to sin. It is too nice to sin. The devil makes the sin look appetising; he does not show us the consequences. Jesus came to show us a new way, a better way. He became a gift of Grace for us. We did not deserve it, because we CHOOSE to sin. It does not happen accidentally. If we believe that what the Bible tells us about the journey of Jesus, from His birth to his death and resurrection, then we qualify to receive the grace He freely came to give. No sacrifices and offerings needed. Although, symbolically, we still need to sacrifice our sinful ways and desires every time; we still need to make sure that when we offer our heart, it is not burnt offerings, that our motives are pure. That we are truly sorry for the sin. That we honestly promise to turn away from it.

The best way to understand the journey of Christ, is to read the Word of God. Have faith that God will reveal it to you, and believe in your heart that your life can change. God said in His Word that you cannot enter heaven if you do not accept His son. Imagine suffering on this earth, only to realise after death that you suffered for nothing, because you did not choose to accept Jesus into your life. Imagine suffering the trials of earth and then still having to suffer for eternity in hell. This is not a scare tactic, but the reality of it is scary for me. I don’t accept Jesus because I am scared of hell, but because I want to see heaven one day. I want to live a righteous life here on earth so that one day I can enter the gates of heaven.

There is no video evidence that what the Bible says is true, but it is about having faith. You don’t need to force yourself to believe, God will draw your heart to Him. He will knock on your door in obvious ways. It will all depend on you whether you open up for Him. He will most definitely not force you. He allows you to have your own will, to choose for yourself.

Question is, why choose darkness, when you can choose light? Once you choose Him, a whole new world will open up for you. It is not your physical eyes that will open, but the eyes of your heart. You will be able to see Him in everything that you do, because He will be with you every step of the way.

Why deny love and grace that is free for you?

When I think about the cross, I don’t think about pickled fish and hot cross buns. I think about an opportunity given to me, like a bursary, and the only string that is attached is that I must believe, and live a righteous life to the best of my ability.

When I think about the cross, I think about the fact that Jesus doesn’t owe me anything, but I owe Him my life, for the number of sins I have committed, taken the cross for a joke, and then come crawling back with my tail between my legs. Then when I repent, His arms are open to receive me again like a prodigal son. When will I stop being a prodigal son/daughter? When will I become the stable daughter of God? The one who takes the cross seriously, and live according to His perfect will for me?

When I think about the cross, I realise that I need to repent my sins, and go crawling back to Jesus’ feet; because how can I even live my life thinking that I have nobody I need to answer to? As if I am majestic enough to carry myself through this life.

No, the cross was created, so that I have a place to answer to. To keep me true. To rattle my conscience when I give into the enemy’s tricks. My life, is not about me, it is about God. He made me for Him. Like the song says, I am sorry God, for making it about me, when it is all about You.

Thank You, God for the cross. Thank You, God for coming down in the form of Jesus, to be like me, and feel like me, so that you can understand the suffering of Your people. Thank You for the cross.